My whole life I have been an adrenaline junkie. I absolutely live for a rush. Whether it be bungee jumping, parasailing, riding the ejection seat, or finding the fastest, scariest roller coaster; I just love the feeling of those few seconds that I have no control whatsoever.
I know what some of you are thinking, especially if there are any men reading this...."You're crazy, women never like to be out of control of a situation". Okay, so maybe the adrenaline rush is what makes me crave those out-of-control experiences. Either way, I can't get enough of the high.
Recently I've learned something new. There is absolutely NO rush, like that of feeling my daughter kick, elbow, knee, and prod me with her tiny limbs. Every now and again she'll break out in dance and do the worm, causing my whole belly to jiggle. Normally "jiggle" is not a word I want to use to describe my body...but when it's caused by her, it brings me joy.
I've never been super-sentimental, touchy feely, or lovey-dovey. I've always been the joker, the independent girl, and every now and again show a hint of sarcasm. (see what I did there? lol)
So when people would talk about how "there is NO feeling like being pregnant", and that it was just "impossible to describe, you have to experience it...".....I may have smiled and agreed politely that I just "couldn't wait" to feel that. However in my head, I was rolling my eyes and thinking "Ok, really, you just described the feeling of tasting chocolate for the first time, theres nothing like it, and you just have to experience it yourself to understand the magnitude of it's imperfection."
My goodness I couldn't have been more wrong. It really is a feeling like no other. To try and wrap my head around the fact that there is a human being that is half me, half Mike, growing inside of me....it is harder to comprehend than college trigonometry for a girl like me. It's mind baffling. Then, when I seem to feel her swimming around...or when she decides to ball up on one side of my stomach, though it gets uncomfortable, I can't help but smile and hold my stomach as if to hold her. I think my husband might get tired of me constantly grabbing his hand and saying "did you feel that?".
Aside from the excitement of feeling her frequent movements, there have been a few "ugly" sides to the pregnancy thing, lets just keep it real.
Remember my last post about the pain I was having in my lower back, that I attributed to some sort of kidney pain? Well, if you remember, they ruled out infection/kidney stones. However, they never did an ultrasound on my kidney, which in retrospect after talking to nurses at my doctor's office, when I was in labor and delivery, they should have done that. As of this week, I have had NO more episodes of pain. Up until this week though, it was consistently happening every 2-4 hours, and the only relief I got, was getting in a warm bath. Heating pads did nothing, it was something about the weightlessness of water. So what has changed this week? I'll tell you what. My daughter, before this week, constantly balled up on my right side. I mean, the girl must have found it warm and cuddly over there, because I was always lopsided and hard as a rock on my right side. This week, she has shifted to my left side, doing the exact same thing.
After talking to my doctor again at my last appointment, and after reading up on several medical forums with women who had the exact same symptoms/relief methods as me...I think basically the way Londyn would lay on my right side was pinching off the tubes and what not that let my kidney release fluid. So my other kidney made up for it, which may be why no infection showed up on the initial test. My kidney was probably backed up with fluid and swollen, and that is why the weightlessness of the water helped relieve pain. Anywho, I don't care what it was, the pain is now GONE, and baby girl is FINE! :)
Lastly...can we just talk about the effect it has on my mood? I get so stinking emotional....and sometimes just grouchy. It comes out of almost nowhere too. Sometimes I can feel it coming on a little in advance because I feel myself getting irritated over silly things...so in those cases, I will try to warn my husband and apologize in advance for the hulk in me that may come out. If I want a certain food....if Mike doesn't want to get it for me, I need him to tell me, so I can just go get it myself. I'm not into the begging or patience business when I'm in these modes lol.
Taco Bell in Broken Arrow Oklahoma was at the receiving end of my hulk-smash last night. Lets just say if I go there again, I need to watch them prepare my food, for a couple reasons. One, so they understand that I really mean ONLY cheese on the top of my mexican pizza...and two, to make sure they don't spit in my food, because I wasn't so nice last night. Hey Jack, it was the 6th consecutive time they messed up my order, they had it coming. lol.
Alright, I think I've bored you long enough now!
To close, I just want to say to you Londyn Brooke....that I hope that I make you proud as a mom. I promise that I will do my best. I want to raise you to be a responsible, contributing citizen, and most importantly, a God fearing young woman. I also want to be your friend. See, with my mom, your Mimi, I feel extremely blessed. We have a very unique and close relationship. I know it has a HUGE part to do with how she raised me. That is the kind of relationship I hope to have with you little lady. I love you so much.
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